Adult ADHD Issues: Perfectionism, Indecisiveness and Feeling Worth

I received an email notice that ADHD Strategies posted a new tip of the day and since I needed an excuse not to finish the project I’d already started delaying, I jumped over and started reading their Tip of the day #213: Dithering.

It brought to mind a couple of thoughts and I wanted to share them with you.

dith·er/ ˈdiT͟Hər/

Verb: Be indecisive.

Noun: Indecisive behavior.

verb. tremble – palpitate – quake – quaver – thrill – shiver
noun. quiver – tremor – tremble – trembling

Dither is such a cool word. It means one thing as a verb: Be Indecisive. ( And if you’re around writing, you know passive verbs are a no-no.) even uttering the word Dither makes you feel lazy, laid back and carefree. But then you look at the synonyms — palpitate, quaver, shiver — and suddenly there’s a second feel to the word. Kinda ominous and scary.

As I read the article two examples popped into my head. Today, I’m gonna cover the first.

The Proof is in The Pudding… And You Are The Cook

Back in 2004 my boss told me the way he ensures he doesn’t lay in bed each night, destroying himself as a failure, is this:

He makes his habit, his priority, each and every morning (or night before) to make a list of three things of intrinsic value that he wants to accomplish.

Three Thing of Intrinsic Value (Re-read that statement.)

Even, depending on his emotional state – and you know as well as I do that depending on where you are in a depressive cycle — something as small as “wash my undies” can seem overwhelming. (And on those days you do what we teach our children to do: you modify, making “get out of bed” your one thing of intrinsic value for the day.

Why? Because if each day he completes those three tasks, no matter how big or minuscule they may seem to anyone else, he creates a new dialogue, one built on truth. You string three, four, sixteen days in a row together and suddenly, when he lays in bed at night exhausted, and the “you suck” and “you’re worthless” lies starts singing him to sleep, accomplishing those three things of intrinsic value are the only weapon he has to combat the lies. He doesn’t have to make up proof, he is proof.

And let’s be honest: We all have nights when we lay in bed getting the crap kicked out of us and for whatever reason suddenly decide we need a real Texas-ass whooping.

I have no clue why we do this, but we do: We shove aside the forty-seven self-talkers and really go after ourselves. So why not do yourself a favor and equip yourself with the tools of that particular warfare and fight back for the first time…

With Power.

  1. […] To Dither, Or Not To Dither : Indecisiveness and ADHD […]

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